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A Mistake in Intellect
Posted by Kendra
May 27, 2009
Categories:  Estrogen Empowerment
13
comments

Ok so I feel like rambling today and where better a place to ramble then the GBD Blog.  As Baby MTV and I explore the world of mommy-hood I wonder at which point he will start to understand or misunderstand how the world works and where he will create confusions?

I believe on some level we all have wee mistakes or confusions with-in our intellectual make up, and then we create behavioral patterns in our lives that don’t always make sense.  But then every so often we have a crash with reality and all of a sudden we start to question our beliefs ooooorrrrrr we start to retro fit our lives so that our current belief system, even though is a mistake isn’t rocked.

I see my little scientist making endless discoveries and connections everyday, but he doesn’t have the ability to fully understand what he sees in the world. Here’s what got me thinking.

To my shock and horror this weekend while strolling thru the market at Grandville Island I heard a parent screaming at their young child who had discovered chewing gum under the table and put it in their mouth.  The dad jammed his hand in the child’s mouth pulled out the gum and slapped the child’s hand, while saying, “you little moron, it is my job to love and protect you” WACK! Another slap on the hand. The child was crying clearly very upset, after all I could only guess as a child it must have been a pretty cool discovery to find this piece of chewing gum waiting to be gobbled up! Kinda gross, YES! but that is beside the point.

So…I got to wondering…would this child then relate the SMACK with being loved and protected and then grow up seeking abusive relationships? Or for the rest of their life feel bad every time they do something that feels fun and good, causing an inner conflict.  *a clear mistake in ones intellectual make up* brought forth from a child hood experience.

Then I started to look at myself and figure out where I might have these confusions.  My guess is there are hard to see in oneself, as you believe these things to be true without even knowing they are confusions.

I am going to do a little investigating with my self this week and see if I can notice any of these conflicts.  I am going to listen to those two little voices in my head and write down every time they agree and every time they disagree.  Anyone wanna play with me and share what you find?  Or maybe you can already recognize some of your confusions so please do share in the comments down below and I am going to open a forum for discussion !

Xo
Kendra

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MarilyneL

May 27, 2009

I would have been shocked too! The thing is, I feel like we are so lost and unaware of how manners and reactions can affect a child and the way he will perceive life in the future. They say that what we are refers to our childhood. I think that the line between what to do and what not, is really thin, so it’s quite tricky. However, smacking or any type of violence does not belong anywhere in a child’s education. I hope that your 2 inner voices will have great conversations :P Good luck! ;)


DeannaRochelle

May 27, 2009

When my older sister and I were young, we weren’t too fond of sharing with each other, but we both happened to have the same godfather. My sister would always accuse me of “stealing” her godfather. I was horrified by this accusation because my dad always told me to stay close to him when we were in public so I wouldn’t get “stolen.” When I asked him what this meant he told me that some people weren’t right upstairs and would take kids and do horrible things to them.
This, of course, has been cleared up in my mind, but I found it rather scary at the time.


Lauren

May 27, 2009

Kendra, what an interesting topic for discussion! I’ll definitely play along and see what I find! Calling a little kid a moron is pretty harsh.
The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is in regards to spending money, and I know this is also true of my younger brother. Both of us remember when money was tighter and so we now are probably thriftier than we need to be, even when we know we aren’t frivolous. It’s just a frugality that was instilled in us as young children, so we hate spending money on ourselves, even when there is no good reason for us not to buy something! This inner conflict doesn’t seem to have any bearing on our willingness to spend money on other people, however. :)


Nydia

May 27, 2009

WOW!!! When I was younger I recall my father telling me the same thing. I clearly remember one afternoon, I think I was 10 yrs old, I was playing with table legs that I had stacked up together and began to swing like a bat. I was standing next to our glass sliding door when the legs all came apart and I shattered the sliding door. When my dad got home, he found me hiding under the bed and he told me, “Les pego, porque las quiero” which means “I hit you because I love you”. I think about it now and I laugh, but I guess that’s how he was raised.


Kendra

May 27, 2009

Hammad, thank you for the youtube post by Dr. Jeffrey.

Some of his thoughts ring true for me and make sense.

I think he is saying that when we walk through life with a closed mind or with only one definition to something we are robbing ourselves of learning. He is saying take what you think you know and try on the exact opposite stance and see if it makes more sense. I love that!

I also 100% agree that having children and being a parent is an amazing spiritual journey. What other time in life do you choose such selflessness, complete love, compassion and mercy then when you are a parent. If we could learn to see everyone in the world as we see our own children perhaps we would stop killing each other.

Everybody in the world is somebodies child.

xo
Kendra


Bianca

May 27, 2009

I know there are a lot of things I associate and act upon based on what I was taught as a kid. Like for example: my grandma would scream and go around stomping bugs, especially spiders and roaches. Her reactions to the tiny critters passed on to me because I watched her act that way, despite knowing they won’t do any harm. While my nanny taught me to love some bugs like rollie pollies and ladybugs. So now I go around petting some bugs while others I completely freak out on and have some sort of mental breakdown if their in a 10 mile radius haha.


Jamal

May 28, 2009

Okay Dr.Phillis I think you are jumping to conclusions. It was an interesting post, but come on, that slap is way that a child knows and learns something is wrong. Since they are not fully able to understand what is going around them, the pain they can. Maybe you went a little to deep with the abusive relationships, hope you can see the shore with me on this on.


Jenipher

May 28, 2009

Awesome post Kendra! I love this subject, I had never stopped to think on this but it’s sooo true! Let’s see, I guess I stuck to my grandfather’s roots on this but even though sometimes I want to explode and express my views on something, seeing my grandfather always be very quiet and keeping things to himself has led me to be that way sometimes which is something I’m dealing with to fix, soo…yeah.

Funny how things come from one’s very own roots!


Kendra

May 28, 2009

@ Jamal – thanks for looking at this from another angel. Perhaps not all children would respond the same to the situation but I feel like there are other ways to teach a child with out violently thwarting them.

I cant claim in anyway to even begin understand why our brains get their wires crossed. I guess I took a bit of a jump deep into the hole of the unknown in this post tee hee!

But it sure gets me thinking…why do you think we create these confusions in our lives?

xo
Kendra


Christina

May 28, 2009

Thanks for blogging about this Kendra, it is a very interesting subject. I wouldn’t necessarily say though that when a child gets slapped he/she will associate love with abuse. I was raised by very traditional greek parents, my sisters and I are actually first generation born Americans. And when we were younger if we did something wrong, or things that endangered us in any way, we would on occasion get slapped. And even in my young mind, I knew that it happened to discourage me from doing whatever I did again. It taught me principle, and I think that’s important, but I also think it’s equally important for children to explore and discover new things in the world around them.


Jamal

May 29, 2009

@Ken,
>>But it sure gets me thinking…why do you think we create these confusions in our lives?<<

Well I don’t think we personally create them but there are everywhere in our and other societies. I think we confuse nurture with nature. An example would be marrying cousins. Here, Canada, it is probably illegal or taboo to say the least. We think that it is naturally wrong and obviously disgusting and label it incestuous. However, if we go over seas it is something extremely normal and practiced widely. So why is it wrong? because it is based upon the false premise of morality.
We essentially confuse what is naturally right with how we are brought up which is very subjective. These “confusions” , as you cleverly say, are everywhere in our lives.

I went to the beach the other day and saw a lot of men without shirts naturally. I began pondering why it was illegal for women to do the same when we supposedly have equal rights? Were we wrong to say women cannot
stroll topless, or were we wrong to say we have equal right? I think the examples goes beyond the beach, from M/F washrooms to gender separated Olympics this winter…


ICT

October 31, 2009

I remember when I was young, someone gave me money to not tell on them for doing something to me.

I use to help this person clean apartments all the time, and as a kid I use to like to help because he gave me a few bucks for candy.

After that, even as a young adult in my early 20’s, I couldn’t stand to carry money on me, or for someone to give me money for helping them with something. It would make me feel unclean, or angry- offended if they were a friend.

As a more mature person in my mid 30’s, I have no problem with money now.. LOL but I do remember the inner struggle and the day I realized my issue. It was very liberating to realize the truth. Childhood experiences definitely form a persons perspective.