I know I took suggestions last week and have no fear, I did not forget! You can vote at the end of this to pick which you’d like to see first.

So this chica wasn’t beheaded, nor did she have anyone beheaded, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t know anyone who was beheaded, but guess what – she was Canadian (sort of) and not just any kind of Canadian; she was a freaking hero and may have just saved us all from pronouncing “pasta” the wrong blooming way! Not to mention, there’s ice cream/chocolate stores named after her at the malls and they are delicious. Mmm, mmmm, goooood. I am talking about Laura Ingersoll Secord.

Before I get to Laura Secord’s story, I’m just going to give you a visual of what it was like in Canada during The War of 1812. If y’all know where Niagara Falls is, there’s this place called Stoney Creek that’s just before that, and before that is St. Catherines (shout out to where my nana came from!), and then over, over, oooover there’s Toronto and a really old part called York. So these were settlements in British North America (recall my lesson I gave on Canada Day) and if I recall, Niagara and York bordered US territory. Niagara still does today. Anyways, these were the major throwdown areas and they have some awesome forts and towers from then still there. Now for our heroine!

Laura Secord moved to Upper Canada (Ontario) with her daddy in 1795 on his hunt to regain the lost family fortune. Geez, lay off the gambling and booze, dude! Yeah, I really don’t know how he lost it, but I bet that’s how he did! Some things just never change, eh? EH! EH?! Now stick with me, I’m aboot to get to the brave part…Right after I go brush my moose’s coat…HA! Kidding, kidding…So back to Secord…The Ingersolls (her family) set up shop, which was actually a tavern in none other than The Niagara Peninsula. I bet they regretted that move 17 years later.

Some time after, Laura met a strapping fellow named James Secord, who just so happened to be a United Empire Loyalist and I’m sure you can guess what happened next; they got married. Two years after they got hitched, those two lovebirds moved to Queenston (between St. Catherines and York), thus sealing Secord’s fate…

The poor Secords had been ordered to billet American Soldiers in their home. Ugh, talk about bad house guests. “Get your boots off the table!” BANG! Not cool. So the Americans must have figured that they could talk about their super secret attack plans with an injured man of the house around, because why on earth would a girl do anything? *cough*chauvinists*cough* This was their downfall, because on June 21st, 1813, the Secords heard the plan to surprise attack Lt. James Fitzgibbon at Beaverdams. If they won, they would have control of the entire Niagara Peninsula and British North America would have been screwed. However, Laura – that amazing woman – could not idly stand by and let this happen!  She traveled 20 miles across a dangerous stretch of land on foot! She managed to bypass the American patrols that would have surely shot her, just like Joe did in Hendrix’s song. She bypassed them and made her way through rattlesnakes, wolves and wildcats and the impending doom if she were to run into any unfriendly native forces and cheated death with every step she took.

After 18 hours of non-stop walking and slyly keeping herself alive, Laura Secord made it to Beaverdams and delivered her extremely important message to Fitzgibbon. Thereby, making it possible for him to ready the troops and fight American soldiers off and win. Which they did – they won and kept American troops from advancing further into British North America. WIN! PAST-A, PAST-A, PAST-A! I can type that without getting shot and it feels great!

A loooong time later, in 1860, Edward, Prince of Whales visited BNA and Ms. Secord received recognition for her brave act.  Eight years later, Secord died at the age of 93 and her memory shall forever live on in chocolate and ice cream and we all know that’s what’s forever. Forget about the diamonds! You may be able to wear those suckers for ages, but you just never forget amazing junk food. Am I right or am I right?

Laura Ingersoll Secord

Voooooting tiiiiime: Lady Godiva, Cleopatra, Eleanor Roosevelt, Corazon Aquino, or some obscure girl from a non-mainstream country.