Do feel free to ask a guy out if you like him and want to get to know him.

Do go into a dating situation with an open mind on making a new friend or finding a romantic relationship. That means leaving your “emotional” baggage behind, if you have any. That doesn’t mean to forget the lessons you’ve learned from previous relationships that went wrong, but approach each new potential relationship with an open mind.

Do plan an interesting place for the first date. If you don’t have a place in mind, why not plan a place out together?

Do dress appropriately for the date. If you’re going to the theater, dress nicely. If you’re going rock-climbing, don’t wear heels.

Don’t compromise your fundamental beliefs or values. If you are looking for a long-lasting relationship, do not feel you have to compromise everything you stand for in order to win a guy over. You are not being honest with yourself or the guy.

Do see the date as a way to get to know the other person and as a way for your date to get to know you. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your date for everything to work out.

Do try to be yourself – you must hear this all the time, but it’s especially true when seeking a long-term relationship. By being yourself, however, I mean, be the best self you can be. Have fun with the dating situation, be able to relax and enjoy the date for what it is – a date.

Do take care of yourself. In order to be as attractive as you can be to others, you have to love yourself first.

Do take first impressions with a grain of salt. Some guys may be great guys but are horrible at first dates. Some guys are great at first dates, but are horrible as long-term relationships.

Don’t give up on finding love altogether because something didn’t work out in the past. Give love a chance. That person you didn’t think was cool enough to go out with for some reason or another may someday become your true love.

About Kailin

Kailin Gow is the author of a romantic fiction series called Fashion Fables and is currently working on her teen dating book called, Dating Tips for Our Daughters: Lessons from the Field, due out in November 2009. Besides being a former program coordinator and adviser for young women at the University of California at Irvine, she has been happily married for 12 years. Her teen books have been recommended by PBS Kids, the Alliance for Mental Health, California schools, and parent/teachers organizations. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter

Rant: My BF just doesn’t get that girls have their hormonal ups and downs and we are learning how to deal with them the best we can.
Rave: Having someone on my side, who wants me to reach those stars as much as I do.

Rant: Having to actually do my hair and make up every day, even on the weekends.
Rave: Knowing I will always have a person to watch movies with, even if they’re the kind usually only I would want to watch.

Rant: Serving as a personal agenda, not fun!
Rave: Having someone to make me laugh whenever I don’t feel very happy is nice

Rant: When a guy thinks a romantic movie is watching 300!
Rave: Having someone that won’t run scared when I’m squealing LOUDLY when something happens on one of my favorite tv shows.

Rant: Compromising. I’m still learning how not to always get my own way.
Rave: I love how being in a couple encourages me to be a better individual.

Rant: When my BF is over and leaves the toilet seat up…grrrr!
Rave: I love it when a boy reaches out and holds my hand..or twittles my fingers during a movie, I love feeling connected.

Rant: Listening to his awful music.
Rave: Having someone to listen to me vent about school, work or my family.

Hi everyone! Sorry to have fallen off the planet for a short while but being that this newsletter’s theme is relationships, I thought that this would be a good forum to let y’all know that I just got engaged this weekend to the man of my dreams! I’ve never been happier in my life. But, like most girls …I too have had my share of hard relationships that I had to go through before finding the one that fit like a glove.

A good relationship with another human being needs to be built on the foundation of having a good relationship with yourself first. What was different about me before going into this relationship with my fiancé Mac is that I fell in love with myself before he and I even met.

In my teens and in my twenties, I was too busy trying to be what others wanted me to be. This took a lot of energy and often I ended up in relationships with people that others wanted me to be with. Not a good foundation for the relationship of your dreams, right? Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to get all fairytale on you and force the “happily ever after” promise pills down your throats. Personally, it’s that “happily ever after” that really kind of messes us girls up. We think that as soon as we find a flaw in a guy that he must be broken and not capable of giving us that forever and ever feeling of happiness.

But, the truth is that happiness and confidence begins inside of YOU. You’re the only one who can create that. No one outside of you is going to give you that. You already got it. Once you realize it, life becomes so much easier. Now, I know it’s not always easy to create feelings inside of you. But, that’s where yoga comes in. I‘m so passionate about teaching yoga because of the very nature of what yoga gives people. It allows them to create their own feelings of peace, happiness and calm.

Maybe you’re in a relationship right now with a boy you like? Maybe you’re not but are eager to have a good relationship with one of your parents, siblings, a teacher or a friend. Try this chanting exercise and feel your heart open up in a way that will feel make you feel like one of my kids at the Boys and Girls Club (where I teach) said to me after doing it…

“I feel like giving presents to everyone!”

Sit in easy pose with your legs crossed. Make a heart shape with your index fingers and thumbs and hold that hand pose in front of your heart. Close your eyes and hum “Har” over and over again while you visualize your own heart getting bigger as you shed love and light onto yourself till it overflows and gets so big that it can only move outward onto other people. Do this for 5 minutes and then inhale deeply. Hold for five seconds and release.

About Tamara

Tamara Lelie knows that attaining peace and gaining access to inner guidance begins with having a balanced foundation. Motivated by her mom’s terminal cancer diagnosis, in 2007 she created Time Out Retreat as a one stop source for supplying tools for self-care and balance in a camp-like setting. 7 rotations were all led by experts in their fields and consisted of feng shui, yoga, meditation, guided imagery, fitness and more. Since then, the retreat has been an annual event attracting media attention. A teacher at heart, in 2009, she launched Time Out with Tamara to serve as a human toolkit for teaching balance and has clients ranging from celebrities and corporations to teens and housewives. Tamara Lelie is a certified yoga instructor (specializing in applying the ancient knowledge of the yogis to every day modern problems) and certified relationships coach. She is currently hard at work finishing up a groundbreaking e-guide she developed, 7 DAYS TO BALANCE: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO HAVING IT ALL. For more info on her services and products, check out www.7daystobalance.com.

I am not an expert at confrontation–instead, stewing, avoidance, writing about my anxiety. Then–a shy approach, words, (maybe) tears, laughter, laughter, hugs. ~ Cat

We deal with arguments by kind of turning them into a game… we each get twenty seconds to talk and then it’s the other one’s turn. No interrupting or going over the time limit. ~ Grace

By talking (not screaming) to the person until both compromise or reach a “happy medium”. No insults either, there must always be respect. ~ Jenny

We have a rule that neither of us can leave until we work it out. No walking out, no hanging up on the other person. It makes it get resolved faster too, because who wants to be stuck in a room with someone they’re mad at? ~ Jen

If it’s really heated, we take time and write each other notes about how we’re feeling. It’s easier to get your feelings out and articulate exactly what’s wrong. ~ Dawn

If I introduced myself to you and asked what makes you unique, how would you respond? Would your answer be the same five weeks from now? Or five months from now? You may feel like your personality and interests change from week to week. Dealing with constant change and the search for a stable identity is one of the joys (and pains) of adolescence. Add to that the dramatic flair of young relationships and anyone would be certain to be left dazed and confused, working desperately not to lose that sense of self while building a new relationship at the same time.

I am here to speak to all girls who have big dreams: you have the power to maintain a life of wondrous self-exploration while navigating the world of romantic relationships. All you need are tools you already have: self-awareness, a constant support system, and the belief that you deserve to make good things happen for you. Healthy relationships occur between two people who encourage each other’s strengths, recognize each other’s weaknesses, and genuinely support each other’s journey of self-discovery and happiness.

Always ask yourself why you initially entered into a particular relationship. Perhaps that cute boy from your study group asked you out, or your relationship with a friend deepened and progressed over time. Maybe you didn’t want to be the only one at the dance without a date. Whatever the reason, it is important to remember that over the course of a relationship, dynamics can change in a way that you no longer feel like the same person you used to be, for better or for worse. Dig deeper and ask: did I initiate these changes or are they in conflict with the kind of person I really wish to be?

We all know what it feels like to be pressured into a situation that makes us uncomfortable. Expanding horizons and challenging ourselves with new experiences is important, but we must also be aware of the moments when we feel: this is not for me, this is making me uncomfortable, this person is overstepping my boundaries.

If you can recognize when that moment happens, you will feel confident that you can maintain your own individual identity in any relationship. Do not be afraid to listen to that voice! It is the voice of YOU, deep down, pure, unique you, reminding you of your power to say ‘no’ to that which goes against your innermost beliefs and ‘yes’ to that which makes you feel passionate.

Good relationships will give you the sense that your strength and ability to accomplish your goals has multiplied. If you are concerned that someone is trying (consciously or not) to fit you into a box that is not quite your style, retrace your steps: do not be afraid to think or write it out. Talk to the person who knows you best; a good friend will not be afraid of standing up for the true YOU. It is hard to admit that the boy or girl you thought was good for you is actually cramping your style. We are often reluctant to end a relationship for fear of hurt feelings or loneliness.

But girls, there is an upside! The more freedom you have to spread your wings and develop your self-confidence in all that you have chosen to define you, the more open you are for that person who will love and respect the true YOU.

About Catherine Starr

Graduated with a degree in psychology from Xavier University in Cincinnati, Ohio. Is a fan of music, everything from opera to hip-hop. Has a job, working to provide children and adolescents who are in need of mental health care with the services that they require. Believes that education is a powerful tool for changing the world. Knows that girls have the strength to be great in all ways, recognizes the struggles that young women go through in finding their place, but knows that success is possible. A big fan of living “me to we“.