I am about to tell you about the scariest thing that doesn’t even exist: Heartbreak.

No, this has nothing to do with the Matrix, I just think that heartbreak if a figment of our imaginations. Let me explain:

I used to be very insecure and when I was insecure and single, I always felt nervous and felt that there was something wrong with me. This uncomfortable feeling that I wasn’t good enough and I might end up alone, it didn’t feel so good.

But then I would get a girlfriend and it felt soooo much better. I’d think, “Oh my god, somebody looooves me and I am not broken. In fact, I am the man!”; “Go Daniel, it’s your birthday.” It was that kid on Christmas morning feeling. Ba da ba ba baaaa, I’m loving it.

And we lived happily ever after, end of story, cue the orchestra, we’re registered at Macy’s.

Oh, wait, that’s not me, she actually left. Something about going to pursue her dreams of being a semi-professional unicorn wrangler, but I have my doubts. For one, unicorns are damn near impossible to wrangle, but either way, whoop, bam, boosh, out the door she went and with her went that amazing feeling. In its place returned that old, yucky, nervous, insecure “Oh my god, I’ll die alone with cats” feeling and I felt completely devastated and heartbroken.

What if that isn’t heartbreak? What if nobody hurts us, or breaks our heart? What if there is no such thing as heartbreak? What if we just return to our original crappy state?

Maybe you’re thinking, “Daniel, what does it matter if it’s real or not? It still sucks.” Good question, Junior Woodcucks.

If you understand that heartbreak doesn’t exist (it was just covering up the already existing insecure feeling) and that nobody can do anything to you, you don’t feel so vulnerable. If you own that you might just be insecure and that feeling of heartbreak is a choice you make (as opposed to thinking that somebody did something to you, or something can happen to you), then you don’t feel so out of control; if you don’t feel vulnerable and powerless and unsafe, then A) you drop your walls enough so you can actually connect with somebody and actually fall in love to begin with. B) you’ll be less needy and controlling and they might not consider leaving at all and C) you’ll relax and really enjoy the love you do have.

You think protecting yourself from heartbreak is helping you, it’s not. It’s keeping you from the very things that you want.
If heartbreak does exist, it’s between you and yourself. You not loving you is the original heartbreak, that is the real sadness. That is the real breakup, between you and yourself and until you learn to love yourself (and not need anybody to help you feel that way), you will always be cautious and end up keeping out the very love you want.

But all is not lost. It gets better. Much better. Cue the Rocky music.

When you learn to love yourself, when you know deep down that you are a big ball of awesome deliciousness, when you really feel that, you feel great all the time. ALL…THE…TIME.  Booyah!

So, learn to love yourself. Take yourself out on dates and buy yourself a corsage.

You’ll feel great and glow with an energy people find irresistible. You won’t be afraid of getting hurt when they leave and they don’t leave anyways. It’s a win/win. Ba da ba ba baaaa, you’re loving you!

Take some time and think of how your life would be if you stop thinking people can emotionally hurt you. Hint: It’s better.

About Daniel Packard

Daniel Packard, 37, National College Speaker of The Year (past winners were George Strombolopolous and Jean Cretien) who helps people get out of their own way in dating, love and relationships. Bring him to your high school or college for an entertaining talk on how to make girls more powerful.http://danielpackard.com

So, you are the cowgirl of this story and you’re ready to kick your cowboy off of his steed!  What do you do? How do you send this guy off into the sunset?

Let me offer you some do’s and don’ts on how to break up with your boyfriend and if you are a gal breaking up with your cowgirl, the same do’s and don’ts apply.

DON’T send the bad news via text or IM.

DO get the courage up to do it in person.

DON’T cheat on him with his best friend or anyone else.

DO grow your armpit hair and eat tones of garlic right before your next make out session. (naw I am just kidding some guys might be into that)

DON’T use the line, “It’s me, not you.”

DO be honest and straight-forward about your feelings.

DON’T be wishy washy and DON’T leave the door open if you really don’t intend to.

DO plan out a neutral place to do it, maybe like a park or a coffee shop.

DON’T let someone else do the dirty work for you.

DO be kind.

DON’T change your Facebook status to single before you breakup.

DO plan ahead about what you are going to say and stay firm with your decision.

DON’T make him a cake with the words “IT’S OVER” scribbled on top!

About Kendra Voth

Kendra Voth is the CEO of Girls by Design, and the CEO of In the City Entertainment, specializing in producing Behind the Scene’s TV Segments, DVD Special Features, and Electronic Press Kits. Girls by Design is a place for Kendra to help inspire and empower today’s young women, who will be tomorrow’s leaders.

Life is like a roller coaster; there are always ups and downs  and break-ups are just  one of the “downs” that we face at a certain points of time in life.

Love is such a strong emotion, that it is never easy when a romantic relationship with a significant other ends just like that.
To put it simply – It hurts.

One thing I find common about girls who have just suffered from a break-up is that  they try to block out their grief. They think that because of how overwhelming and intense their pain is, once they face the facts, they will eventually break down.

Lesson no. 1: Learn to accept the facts.
Truth is, your grief is what helps you move on in life and let go of whatever happened in the past. As horrible as this sounds, you have to learn how to accept the decision that your partner has already made. You can only start healing after facing the facts.

Lesson no. 2: Find comfort in other people. 
While you are trying to heal, make an effort to reconnect with old friends or meet new people. These people are the ones who will replace the ones you have lost. These people will fill in the empty gaps in life for you. You’ve been hurt, so don’t try to be strong, because it is impossible to heal a broken heart on your own. Confide in your friends. Don’t hold back. There’s nothing wrong with crying if you need to. By keeping yourself busy with friends, you will also be able to focus more on having a good time and who knows? You may find yourself back in the dating game again in no time.

Lesson no. 3: Let go of the past
Let go of the things that remind you of him – Photos, letters, CDs, and so on… Keeping all of these things around the house just makes it more difficult for you to let go. Compile everything in a box and hide it somewhere hard to find. Or even better – Dump it. Unless you are completely over him, the proper course of action is to purge your life of all your ex’s mementos.

And not forgetting the social networking sites everyone keeps up with these days, you might have the urge to stalk him on his Facebook, or MySpace profile. Well, OK, bad idea. You do not need more reminders of the past. You do not want to be holding on to heartache and regret. (Especially if he has already moved on).

Be optimistic and stand strong for yourself. You can either keep dwelling on the past, or snap out of it and move on to better possibilities and opportunities in life. To all of the girls in the process of mending their broken hearts, I wish this would help you find some comfort and understanding in dealing with your loss. Don’t allow yourself to be engulfed by negative feelings of heartache, regret or even hatred. Just remember… In the end, it all comes down to you and what you do to withstand the downs of your roller coaster of life.

About Geraldine Pang

I’m a 20 year old maverick, in my sophomore year in college and my passion lies in music, books and the arts.
I was born in Singapore and moved to Japan when I was 16. The cosmopolitan and modern city of Singapore and Tokyo have inspired me to become what I am today.
Writing has always been a passion of mine.
Writing for Girls By Design is an honor because it allows me to indulge in a world of expressing ideas and vision while inspiring other girls like myself through my writing.
Other than that, I am just your typical girl next door who keeps a blog, tweets, facebooks and enjoys art, food, photography, music, movies, books, traveling and so on

Heartache is something that can jump out and bite you in the butt when you least expect it, especially when you are in love.

It was 1961 and I was eighteen-years-old. My boyfriend Andy was coming back from vacation in one day, on August 10th!  I couldn’t wait!  Well, the 10th came and went and not so much as a phone call. What was that all about?

On the 14th, he finally called me.  “What’s up?” “How come you didn’t call until now?” I asked.
“Well, I guess we have to talk. I’ll come over.” he said.

Uh-oh, that didn’t sound good to me.

Andy came over and we sat on my front steps.
“I met someone else,” he said. “She’s a redhead.”

I knew he had a preference for redheads, not sure why. I was his brunette girlfriend, but I was sure he loved me. At least until today…maybe.

“I think we should see less of each other.”

“Ohhh,” I said. Not one to grovel.”Would you like to see me not at all?” I asked.
“Yep,” was his answer.

I said, “Oh, OK. I guess this is goodbye then.”

“Yep,” he replied and I turned and walked into the house

Naturally, I went to my room and burst into tears. I figured I would be crying for at least 3 months.
After about half an hour of crying, with my eyes all red and starting to hurt, it hit me that I really didn’t want red, puffy eyes for the next three months. It suddenly hit me. Andy was gone and I couldn’t control that, but I could control whether I would cry for 3 months or not.

Soooo…and this is hard to believe, I hardly believe it myself, I wiped my eyes and decided to stop.
“I can cry or not cry,” I thought. I decided that I felt better not crying so I opted for the “not cry” option.
I then very nicely and slowly took down all the pictures of our romance and put them in a box in the back of my closet.  I wasn’t quite ready to throw them out…that took a little longer, but I knew I would one day…and I did when I started college and could look back on things.

I will say, I still like Andy as a friend to this day. I never blamed him (or any other boyfriend) for dumping me. After all, I can’t control another person’ss feelings, only my own. He liked redheads, so sue him.

It’s how a boyfriend dumps you that counts. Andy was a gentleman. He didn’t lie to me. He came over and told me face-to-face like a man as soon as he got home. I didn’t find it out from someone else.

So, all you guys and gals out there, it’s OK if you fall out of love with a person and then decide that you want someone else, but do it with character, so the person you’re dumping doesn’t have it so hard.

As told to her son, Daniel, who also has an article in this newsletter.